Do not try to charm everyone and everyone right away, there is no need for this. Take your new place for a while, and then walk around the team, get to know each other - just to make a normal impression. “Ask questions, don’t just answer, be friendly to everyone you meet. Don't get into a bagpipe about how and what happened at your previous job - no one cares, says Michael Watkins, specialist in corporate diplomacy, author of The First 90 Days. - Let everyone understand that you want to be a member of the team. That's enough for a start."
There are three types of situations in which we should consider the question: "No."
- We want to do it, but we don't have time for it.
- We don't want to do this and there are no better alternatives.
- We do not want to do this, but we are afraid of the result.
While this is true, consider what you will lose if you take on the challenge and you fail. Worse, if you endure not only new responsibilities, but those you had before, because you are too thin. In this case, a great concept is the opportunity cost. Most new investors think only about winning. If there is a good chance of success, they make an investment. They don't take into account the cost of time and resources they put in, or other available opportunities they can do instead.
2. You are at the wedding of a good friend
If you are not the most restrained person on the planet, then be in the first roles. “Find your seat before anyone else, ask for silence for toasts, feel free to dance first,” recommends Holly Lefevre, author of The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book. - The newlyweds will be grateful for such an initiative. Don't forget to raise a glass to those and other parents - after all, someone has to work on the unity of families. Your dedication will be rewarded at least by the fact that in a new family you will always be welcomed a little more than sad wedding silent people.
So if you're already 100% booked, think about the alternative cost before you say yes to something new. A good way to do this is to keep your calendar, to-do list, and budget always up to date. So at a glance you can see if you can fit in new opportunity without compromising anything else.
These are the cases where you simply don't have a better choice and all other options look worse. Like when your boss says "you either do it or quit" and you have no other source of income. These are edge cases where "Yes" and sucking is okay. However, you should not leave it at that and accept the same thing over and over again. Work on coming up with an alternative solution next time.
3. You will spend the night with friends
Get ready as you are going on a business trip or a short vacation. Everything that you will be provided in addition to bed linen and towels, consider it a nice bonus. It will be great if you grab a small nice present - a book or other nonsensical trifle. “Let me know in advance exactly when you will arrive and what time you intend to leave. The ideal time to leave is early in the morning, between 8 and 10: you're not tired yet, but you're not taking away people's day, says Cynthia Lett, author of That's So Annoying. “And then send a thank you card to the owners, don’t be lazy.”
The next time your boss enters My Way or Highway Mode, you might have an alternative source of income and be fine with getting fired. This is an emotional issue. We intellectually know that saying "Yes" is bad for us in some cases, but we just can't bear the pain of saying "No".
Why is it so hard to say "No"?
These are the times when you know you won't get any good. You do it just so that you don't hurt other people's feelings or avoid conflict. Much of the problem is delaying emotional pain. Even though we know that saying "Yes" to something we don't want is a bad timing, sometimes we can't bare the pain so we delay it. We rather suck it up, do something unpleasant to avoid the pain of disappointing someone.
4. A friend's parent died
You have already found simple words of condolence. A week after the sad event, write a message to a friend: "Shall we have dinner this week?" It's better than "Is there anything I can do to help?" When you meet, say again: "I'm sorry, hang on, man," - this will be the easiest way to start a conversation on an inevitable topic in such a situation. "Don't ask 'how are you?', ask something more specific like 'tired of all these calls?' - and let him talk, - advises Val Walker, author of The Art of Comforting. - Do not interrupt, do not advise, do not change the subject. Just listen".
As a result, we get more pain in order to do something unpleasant, but it lingers. Since we're not going to experience it at that moment, it doesn't seem so bad as saying "No" right now. None of this is conscious, of course, that's how our subconscious works in the background. He does his best to avoid and delay immediate pain.
Don't wait until you say "No" to make a decision. Many things that we have to decide are repeated and repeated over and over again. If this is what your boss does, you probably won't be the first time. If this is your partner forcing you to take out the trash, this is probably not the first time. This way you can prepare ahead of time and find out when it will happen next.
When everything goes wrong, not as you want, there is not enough strength like water in the desert, things do not move at all, like a stubborn donkey. How to call such a life period? Yes, it's difficult life situation from which few are immune. It is very important to know how to perceive situations of this type, how to act in them in order to slip out of their trap. Cat Askold will talk about this in this article.
How about finding an alternative way to get the job done and pitching that solution to your boss? Or trade responsibility with one of your colleagues for something you enjoy more? How about hiring someone to help with house cleaning so you don't have to take out the trash?
It's just simple examples, but the point is that you can come up with a smarter solution when you think about it ahead of time. You don't have to sacrifice yourself just because you don't want to offend the person asking. Do you know those people who apparently "made me up" written over them? We tend to call them trifles and people. This happens if a person does not have healthy boundaries.
Hands down, how to raise them? What do you do when you feel like giving up? In such a situation, you need to hold on with a stranglehold to any opportunity, to any chance. We need to move on and act, even with the last of our strength! Practice has shown that difficult, seemingly unsolvable situations are the last levels, the last kilometers on a long road to serious success and major victories. Difficulties and defeats very often become our best mentors! It is only necessary to work out the habit - to draw instructions and lessons from them.
Having boundaries means being clear about what you are willing to do for other people and what you are not. This also means that you must clearly define it beforehand. It's not really a border if you start building it when someone asks.
A good principle for using borders is to make sure it's a win-win. If you help someone, you should also be a winner. This does not necessarily mean that you always need something in return, but make sure that what you give is worth it. Doing something for a friend you hate is a loss. Working on tasks you hate is a waste.
Let's look at practical solutions that are difficult life situations.
Looking for opportunities everywhere, absolutely everywhere!
Everywhere, every problem, even the biggest and most unpleasant one, also carries it. The surest thing will be to extract this instruction. Our life is a certain educational institution, where mentors are various life situations. The decisions you make, your choices, are your personal exams. And if you chose the wrong path, you will have to retake your exam, and we want that? This is how our world works, we just have to accept it and adapt. Surely you were surprised to note that the same difficulties, problems and troubles often come to you again? Most likely this happened, and it happened more than once. And all why? You just made the wrong decisions, and also did not draw the appropriate conclusions from the instructions that Life itself presented to you!
Make sure you set boundaries to automatically reject all requests that are losers. If you don't let everyone know what your boundaries are, they will try to take advantage of you. Rejecting other people seems harsh at first, but it doesn't have to be. Be sure to state your motives. Let the person you are rejecting why you are doing this. Help them find the best option and let them know that you are ready to help them.
So it won't be like you're throwing a hiss or you're just in bad mood. People will learn that you have strong boundaries and will respect you more for it. If you decide something in life and not only play it safe, you also take the risk of failure. To what extent failure has negative social consequences for you, you actively determine! In this post, read how to be less affected by your defeat, how to deal with it faster, and how to communicate it properly.
Think about how much you have learned from the various hardships you have already experienced. What to do to avoid suffering and anguish in such situations? There is a simple but effective way! Treat any trouble, problem, or difficulty as if it were an interactive computer game. In this case, overcoming trouble will also be carried out with passion. Often there are periods of life when situations that previously seemed impossible and insurmountable turn into an exciting game. Use this method, add brightness and colors to your life!
Insulting a ship does not mean drowning. An unsuccessful project goal, the termination of a great love, or an embarrassing fake, not only destroys our hopes and plans. They also evoke a sense of loss: panic, shame, and envy make it difficult to save face and overcome a crisis.
Tough - but not impossible. There is one trait that helps us show strength in weakness. Psychologists call them resilience, which means the ability to overcome setbacks and even grow. Spanish philosopher José Ortega y Gasset puts it lighter: "Being shipwrecked does not mean drowning."
Motivation - a lifeline in a difficult situation
At the moment when you are ready to collapse, there is another way out - remember why this whole long and difficult path was started, what helped you to hold on until then? You are already much closer to your victory than you were once, it is true, believe it! A difficult life situation has a simple way out - remember your goal! If life gives you troubles and problems - this is a sure indicator that you are very close to your triumph, you just need to pass the test of life, overcome the last obstacle.
Who can fail has more life. Resilience exists in the genes and is encouraged by education. In addition, you can create your slave qualities, such as muscles: day after day, at any age. How is this possible? Each time you master a little or more of a difficulty, instead of holding on to it, you are not only dealing with an acute problem. You will also train your crisis skills: you will learn how to maintain your composure, develop alternative courses of action, and not lose faith in bad times.
Thus defeats have a purpose: they challenge us to run aground. Properly processed, they make us smarter and more creative. With a meaningful attitude, they even bring us empathy and respect. For example, think about the football team. In the last two World Cups, Germany have failed in the semi-finals. However, our reputation abroad has increased - because the country and the elf of the world present themselves as a smiling loser.
Scary? So do it!
Inaction - there is nothing worse in case of any problem. Always keep in mind the fact that only you are able to influence the solution of the problem, rely solely on yourself! Stop “hanging” like an ancient, prehistoric computer! A person has such a property - to incredibly exaggerate his fears in situations of a critical level. and go ahead - act! You will definitely achieve everything you want, get out of any trouble, but not before you start taking action!
Do you always do what you want?
What do you say if someone offers you "you" but you don't want to accept the offer? How did you apologize if you forgot lunch with an important business partner due to deadlines?
- How do you teach an employee what he has?
- How can you say "No" without risking becoming unpopular?
Social Methods: 4 Rules for Managing a Sovereign Crisis. The real size is who shows the style, even if the skins are redeemed from it. This is a lot of requirements, but at least guarantees you a respectable success. And you also feel better when you know that no matter what happens, you manage to stay calm.
Fear during the adoption of any important decision is an absolutely natural and normal phenomenon. But the one who succeeds differs from the loser in that he can overcome his own fear. A man of success is afraid, but he does it. The loser is afraid and “freezes”, waiting for the problem to be solved somehow by itself or waiting for something unknown. What do you choose? This is your life and the choice is yours.
The project manager tore up the concept. On the phone, it turns out that another agency is getting a job, the efforts are made with great difficulty. In a round of golf with casual acquaintances, play the worst game of the season. None of these defeats is the end of the world. However, you feel it as a shame - especially since you have to connect it in the presence of third parties. You feel offended and you know that politeness dictates that you react in a friendly and predictable way.
In the face of defeat, composure is required. This prevents the project manager from getting annoyed by giving a potential client a clean wine about a difficult order situation or ruining other golfers' enjoyment. With the following behavior, you hold your own in a difficult situation, even if you prefer anger, howling, or throwing in the towel.
Any difficult life situation should be met without panic. Don't let emotions put a collar around your neck. Find guidance, stop seeing only problems, see the real opportunities. Don't "hang up". No one will find a solution for you. Just act, regardless of your fear and the fog of uncertainty before your eyes. A half-full plate is half empty for a loser, and half full for a successful person. Formally, both are right, but the one who thinks positively always wins. Adopt the paradigm of positive thinking, know the desired goal very clearly and move towards it, move with all possible and impossible forces!
Physically relax your body: pause for reflection between impulse and action, take a sip of water, calm your body. The uniform expression of the body leaves you more sovereign on the outside and relaxed on the inside. Label your feelings: groans, reproaches or threats will be as spineless as they are unreasonable. State your feelings briefly and soberly: "This comes as a surprise" or "This really disappoints me." Stay at the ball: Not every defeat offers the opportunity for an elegant retreat. A seminar in front of dissatisfied attendees or a disastrous round of golf with business associates cannot simply end just because one suspects that today is not my day. In such cases, I am motivated by the phrase of tennis player Martina Navratilova: To go ahead and stay there, it doesn't matter how good you are when you are good, but how good you are when you are bad. Appreciate witnesses to your defeat: most people are uncomfortable with giving the bad news or testify to personal crimes.
- Play for the time: in the first shock, you rarely make the right decisions.
- If you are smart, you cannot force yourself to do anything.
- True greatness shows who recognizes this discomfort and stands in front of it.